As a child who was adopted, I have my thoughts on this subject. It is a beautiful decision-that I am very fortunate enough to say. I know as a mother who is single and isn’t stable enough for a kid, it is a very hard decision to decide whether you keep the child, give it up for adoption, or abortion. I think the decision that shows the strongest women are the people who choose to give their child up for adoption. This is because keeping a child that you can’t afford or give enough love to can hurt the child in the long run and you are keeping them just for your own sake. Abortion is decided that you do not want the child at all and you vanish it from having any life. With adoption on the other hand, you are giving the child a way of life. You are giving a child the opportunity to know what is on this earth with a better family. Now not all adopted children are lucky as me growing up with a wonderful family that has loved me since the day I came on this earth. I understand that perfectly, but ultimately I think that the chance of having a better family is a better opportunity for the child than raising it in difficult manners.
   Growing up my guess would be that I was told around six years old. It was the most common conversation and there wasn’t any different emotions than a normal conversation I had with my father and mother. My sister and father are also adopted so it was a lot easier to hear that I was not the only one. I can’t even remember the conversation because it was just simple. When I was told that I came from a different mother and father I didn’t actually think much of it. I just went back to what I was focusing on as a child. Over the years I grew a little more interested in what my birth mother and father were doing. I had questions that popped up in my head. Were they married? Did they have children also? What age did they create me? Do they think about what I am doing these days? Do they even know what I am doing?
   So over time the interest grew strong and I asked my Dad more questions. He didn't have them all, but I found out that they were not together. My birth mother had other kids and my birth father was an athlete. My father told me that he talks to them occasionally and keeps them up to date on how I am. When I turned eighteen years old, my father asked me if I wanted to meet my birth father. I was told he lived in San Diego, about two hours away from me. I wasn’t very good at conversations at the time and was still in the awkward teen ages of knowing who you are and what you want to become. I wasn’t ready for it and I told him no. Not because I didn't want to meet him, but because of the fact I was moving and was more focused on soccer and going off to college. I didn’t want any more distractions while also not knowing if it would give me emotions that I wasn’t ready for. At twenty years old my life changed.
   I finally made the decision on meeting who I came from. I met my birth father Steve and my birth grandfather Dick by going to dinner with my father Michael. On the way to meet I actually couldn't think clearly because there was that feeling of the unknown. My father was telling me that we could leave at anytime if I didn’t like the atmosphere. Well, that was not the case at all. At first, it was a bit awkward with them because there was that question of where do we start? I knew that it was awkward for them too, but over minutes it started to be less and less. Dinner went great and I learned about the story of why I was with the family that I was.
   The next year I started to learn even more about him while going down to San Diego and staying with him. He brought me with him to his work and I was able to see what he did for a living and he even let me take part in it. The relationship with my birth father has grown very strong. I will always see the man who adopted me as my father, but I have accepted my birth father and his family as mine also. If there is any comparison it seems like he would be my uncle or even my brother. I mostly just look at him as family more than anything. I love having more family in my life and I am able to say that I am very proud on meeting my birth father and his family. I have not met my birth mother only because she lives on the other side of the country. This will happen very soon and that will be exciting as well. I have reached out to her and have had conversations with her and she seems like a wonderful woman. I am very fortunate for everything that has happened to me. I grew up with the best family that I could have been with. I have now my birth father in my life and his family. What is better than the love and time shared with family? I am very grateful for everything.

-Andrew Powers

OUR STORY

CHOOSE AN ADOPTION

Latest News: Summer 2017

Andrew and Steve continue to talk almost on a daily basis. Andrew recently met his biological birth mother and now has more family in his life. All of their continued friendship grows stronger daily as well as the Powers, Hill and Gale family. Photography, religion, science, psychology, understanding and faith are among the many topics and discussions explored in the daily conversations. Acceptance and positive hope plays a role in everyone's role from all sides. It is a gift to have this opportunity and openness through many honest, caring, loving people.

- Choose An Adoption 

SGale@RadiantShow.com

Choose An Adoption © 2016  |  All Rights Reserved

   As a father who gave up his son, I also have my thoughts on this subject. First let me say that I am glad my son Andrew was given up for adoption and the choice his mother made was out of love. As far as my choice in the matter, I technically did not choose adoption for Andrew. That gift was bestowed upon the mother and was never a question for me to have or answer. For my part, I never knew anything about Andrew until ten days after he was born. I was twenty at the time, living at home and going to school full time while working. The mother and I were friends who ended up together one night and didn’t see each other after that. Approximately nine months and ten days later, I received a call from her and she told me she had given birth to my child and had given him up for adoption. I didn’t contest the adoption as I looked at the situation from Andrew’s point of view and felt he was in the right place. Over the years I have found out that Andrew’s mother had endured a lot during her pregnancy with Andrew and was in a very fearful time in her life. To this day, we still talk and she tells me even more information that makes me feel for her. I have a lot of empathy towards her to this day as I try and look at the situation from her perspective and the choices she made at that time in her life.    

   Personally I feel she made a strong decision for Andrew, a hard one. One that was for his life and not hers. One that made her own life harder just so he could have a chance, an opportunity and hope. One based on love and not fear. She also made a choice for me as well that set up a new path for me in life, one with opportunity and hope as well. At that point I wanted to know more about Andrew and where he was and who was raising him. I wanted to be involved in his life if I could because I believe that family is important. That’s how I feel based on my upbringing and wanted to make the best possible outcome for Andrew and everyone involved for the future of Andrew and my family. My father felt the same way and decided to reach out to Andrew’s family to see what involvement we could have. My father also felt it would be better that he reach out to Andrew’s family instead of me because we didn’t want to pose any threat to their family. Having a grandfather introduce himself is kinder in that situation and it’s hard to argue with that logic. They agreed to have a limited amount of contact for Andrew’s sake as well as their own and we happily took whatever they were willing to give us. After the initial contact, we were sent pictures of Andrew about twice a year with letters about him and who he was as an individual. When looking at the pictures of Andrew I was taken back, literally. It was as if I was looking at my own childhood pictures. The same look, features and the same smile. The only thing different is that he had his mother’s eyes. I really loved getting those letters and pictures from his family. It reassured me that he was doing well and had a loving family. It also gave me hope that I would get to meet him one day. For the next eight years we patiently waited and were happy with the updates that came our way. Then one day we received an invitation to come watch Andrew play soccer. The only stipulation was that we had to remain anonymous in the stands near the field where he was playing. My Dad and I were happy to go and after watching him I had to say that it was a little difficult at times. I wanted to talk to him, hear his voice, I wanted to see him do more than run back and forth for an hour or so. I didn’t go as much as my father did to those games over the years, but was able to see about a half dozen or so. As Andrew was approaching 18 years of age, I was getting more excited. Andrew’s family also had some requests about our involvement with him when he was to become an adult. First Andrew had to turn 18, graduate high school, and want to meet us (my Dad and I). That being the case, we could meet him. So after Andrew turned 18 and graduated, Andrew’s father Michael asked Andrew if he wanted to reach out to us. Andrew wasn’t ready from what his father told me and I respected that. Back when I chose not to contest the adoption I also knew I may never get to meet or see Andrew. He could have had resentment towards me or no interest and I knew that was a possible outcome, but trusted the process my Dad and I had gone through for 18 years. I had to remember the saying that patience is virtue. Well, after a few more years, it finally came to fruition. On July 7th, 2014, Andrew and his father Michael, as well as my father, sat down and met each other face to face for dinner. I am so grateful for this opportunity that was given to me as twenty years is a long time to wait. At dinner I could tell everyone was nervous as I looked down at the table and saw everyone having their hands clasped while fidgeting a thumb or finger. It was at this moment I felt we were all the same. The unknown was now known and the process to learn more about each other and our families had begun and we were all living in a moment of openness.
  The dinner turned out to be a really good day for all of us. It’s been a year and a half now and over that time Andrew and I have become friends and ‘brothers’ as he calls it. That family term of brother sums it up perfectly and I couldn’t quite put my finger on my relationship with him until he wrote it down in his experience of adoption. I know I am his biological father but I don’t have a fatherly instinct towards him that I know his father Michael has. I feel that being a father takes time, it’s not something that can just be applied because of biology. It involves learning over time, a history together, respect that develops from multiple interactions and lessons along the way. It involves awkward moments, embarrassment and growth experienced by two people together during the process of life. It includes winning and losing in life situations, it involves happiness and sadness with the hope of moving forward. It also comes from a place of being able to be angry and resolving all differences with love. It’s these qualities that create an environment that a father truly can be called Dad. All of these things don’t just appear because I am his biological father and I don’t expect them to now or anytime in the future. I only wanted to be Andrew’s friend and I told him that early in my relationship with him. I think having no expectation was and is a great place to be and I will continue to be that open and kind to him and his family for everything they have given me.
  Over the past year Andrew has come to my house and I have visited his. I have taken a small vacation trip with him, Michael and my dad for a week. Andrew and I have learned we have many common interests and similarities, and in no particular order they are: photography, sports, exercise and diet, mannerisms, our observational skills, our voice and what also seems to be our thought process when it comes to reasoning. I have to say it is an interesting thing to be a part of and see. It’s like an experiment to see what is learned and what is biological. I am grateful for having my son/friend/brother in my life as well as his family. I look forward to the future and getting to know them better.

-Steve Gale​